Ever Applied for a Passport?

"If you are traveling to Bangladesh, you must apply for three passports. If your mother's maiden name was Smith, you must drive at least 100 miles to a passport acceptance facility. If you do not have a birth certificate that includes a picture of your umbilical cord, you must bring your first tooth, the book you are currently reading, a distant relative, and the instruction manual for your dishwasher. If your dog has flees, do not apply for a passport. If you have had the chicken pox, you may be required to give a blood sample. If you live in Alaska, bring a cup of snow from your driveway, proof that you have never suffered from frostbite, some reindeer sausage that has been in your refrigerator for at least six months, and your kitchen sink if you have one. If you do not fit into one of the above categories, please call our automated answering service at 1-800-NO1-HERE or talk to your local plumber."